In response to COVID infections, the National Basketball Association is allowing teams to sign additional players in order to continue gameplay. While people might associate the name Rikki Lee Travolta with acting more than athletic skill, today I proudly announce my availability to sign with the Chicago Bulls.
Teams affected by COVID have been creative in signing players. The Boston Celtics, for instance, brought back Joe Johnson who they originally drafted in 2001. The 40-year-old has shown he still has NBA caliber skills.
Similarly, the Bulls signed former Windy City Bull Alfonzo McKinnie (2016-17) to two 10-day contracts, before rewarding the veteran forward with a contract for the remainder of the season.
I have bad knees, a streaky outside shot, and I have never played professional basketball, however, thanks to a Father’s Day gift a few years back, I already have my own uniform.
Fans haven’t seen hops like mine since Brian Scalabrine. Also known as the White Mamba, Scalabrine was a staple 12th man for the Bulls for years.
Under the NBA hardship rule, in addition to McKinnie, the Chicago Bulls also signed Ersan Ilyasova and Mac McClung to 10-day contracts. However, I have something that makes me stand out even more than basketball skill – a brilliant nickname!
Magic Johnson, Dr. J, Air Jordan, King James, Clyde the Glide, the Dream, the Worm, the Mailman, Thunder Dan…those are the types of nicknames that stand out in history. Now add Glitter & Light to the list.
The Glitter & Light moniker was bestowed on me by friends based on my ability to light up a room with my larger-than-life charisma.
Bulls announcers Stacey King and Adam Amin should have a grand time talking about “Glitter & Light Travolta” and what I bring to the team.
“Not since Joakim Noah has there been someone on the Bulls who can use the F word with such great elegance,” King might say of my mastery of swarthy talk. Trash talking has long been a part of the NBA. Everyone’s favorite Bull, Michael Jordan, was famous for his trash talk.
I know what some of you might be thinking…what about size?
Currently what the Bulls need most is a starting power forward and a big who can backup both the 4 and 5 positions. I’m 5’11. One might argue that I’m about a foot shorter than what is needed. However, size is all relative. Put me next to Tom Cruise and I’m Shaq Diesel.
If Artūras Karnišovas and Marc Eversley in the Bulls front office are hesitant to offer me a 10-day contract, we can easily start small. Perhaps a 10-minute contract?
In the end, think of me as a vanity product – something pretty to put at the end of the bench. I’d be proud to be Chicago Bulls bling.
Peace. Love. Trust.
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