CHICAGO (August 13, 2022) – News out of Chicago has it that People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive selection was infected by massive voter fraud of a size never seen before. At least, that’s according to members of the GORP (Grand Old Rikki Party).
“People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive for 2021 was marred by overwhelming voter fraud. Obviously, I easily won. There is no way I lost to Paul Rudd,” explains Rikki Lee Travolta.
The fact that the selection of Sexiest Man Alive is a subjective choice and not voted on by the American public does not seem to deter MARA followers (Make America Rikki’s Again). Nor does the fact that it’s been almost a year since Rudd was anointed.
“When People first announced the unAmerican decision that Paul Rudd is the Sexiest man Alive, I immediately placed a “perfect” call to Liz Vaccariello, Editor in Chief at People Magazine. I told her I just needed her to find 11,780 votes,” reflects Travolta.
Continuing that thought, Travolta adds, “Paul Rudd being the Sexiest Man Alive instead of me is the biggest hoax in history. Just like the Ketchup Hoax and the Pee Pee Tape Hoax.”
To further his argument, Travolta points to the size of crowds he attracts with his extreme sexiness.
“I have heard that many people are saying I am not only the Sexiest Man Alive, but I’m also the Sexiest Man of All Time. Just look at the crowds wherever I go. People sometimes have to wait in line just to use the restroom after me.” boasts Travolta.
Travolta is not alone in the belief that People Magazine’s selection of Sexiest Man Alive was stolen. In protest, QAnon followers have pledged not to get COVID vaccinations. Clearly if they get sick and die, it will be because of Hillary’s emails.
“Anyone who does not believe that there was massive voter fraud in determining People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive is obviously a RINO – Rikki-fan In Name Only,” adds a man identifying himself as Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson. However, he may have been a transgender, liberal, Antifa false flag lookalike. “True patriots know that Paul Rudd is fake news,”.
“If people don’t march on the People Magazine editorial offices and fight like hell, you’re not going to have a Sexiest Man Alive anymore,” bellowed an obese man wearing orange makeup at a recent rally. A homeless-looking man who may or may not have been Steve Bannon reportedly added, “It will be wild.”
A series of lawsuits were planned to attempt to overturn the selection of Paul Rudd as Sexiest Man Alive, but Rudy Giuliani had his license to practice law suspended. That, and the fact that there is no evidence of any voter fraud.
From outside a landscape company the Rikki Lee Travolta legal team announced that they have video evidence of a suitcase full of gummy bears being delivered to People Magazine’s office. If that doesn’t prove voter fraud, what does?
It is believed the plot to illegally interfere with the voting was instigated by Yul Brynner, who died in 1985. Jewish space lasers are also thought to have played a part in switching votes from Travolta to Rudd.
Peace. Love. Trust.
Rikki Lee Travolta
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